Lately things have been rough. You probably got wind of that if you have been reading my blog. My daughter is having seizures, but that's just part of it. Her moods and sleep have been horrible. Overall I feel like I'm the caretaker of a dog with rabies or some other wild, crazed creature. It's so, so tiring. Right now I worry that the meds that seem to be helping the seizures (the AEDs) are actually causing more mood and sleep problems, which is driving us to the brink. We are going to call the neurologist but this medication merry-go-round is going to get old fast.
I made up this simple reading to (hopefully) help how I'm feeling:
Card 1: What is driving me mad-5 of Cups (Heartbreak, Disappointment)This is the card we see if a relationship is breaking down or something has disappointed a person. It doesn't have to be a relationship, but that is often how it is depicted. In general it shows the sadness and disappointment of the moment, which is usually justified and often very difficult. There are three broken hearts and two whole ones, which to me means, 'yeah, this sucks, but there is still hope.' I guess that explains the situation pretty accurately. We're hurting and we're disappointed that things aren't going well, but we have to move forward.
Card 2: What can be done about it-2 of Pentacles (Change, Balance)This card, like other twos, shows the act of balance. The two of pentacles is usually shown as a person juggling two pentacles with a choppy ocean behind them. There's a lot of activity and it reminds me of trying to ride on a unicycle on a high wire (except maybe a bit less fun). There's this tension to this card, which is the tension of many things being 'up in the air', and there being a need for something to be dropped so that focus can be achieved, and perhaps a measure of peace. This seems like a pretty apt metaphor for what's going on, once again, because we are doing two medications (though one is at a very low dose). The one that's at a very low dose wasn't doing anything (possibly because of the very low dose, possibly because it just wasn't effective for her), and we are pondering 'dropping it'...so I wonder if this is a confirmation for that, or merely shows our struggle with juggling medications.
Card 3: What old feelings/patterns are being triggered in this situation?-4 of Cups (Dissatisfaction/Re-evaluation)This is the crying over split milk card. The card that says not to linger or wallow in disappointment, perhaps the disappointment in the 5 of cups (which is the next card). It also talks about re-evaluating where you are now and finding out why you aren't happy with things. There is this element of moody contemplation. Hard thinking, soul searching. Obviously this makes sense too. The traditional image shows a person sitting under a tree with a cup being offered. This also makes me think of being worried about offering Pele any new thing--as there are already multiple things going on.
Card 4: Where this will ultimately lead-The Star (Hope/Healing/Renewal)This was a really nice card to see in this position. I admit I was surprised. It is the healing card. It is a card I think of when I think of good health and recovery. I hope this is true. I dearly, dearly hope this is true! We really need the relief.
Love,
Celeste
